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Breaking News – Vanguard is Being Bugged at MDC

Word has leaked out of the Metropolitan Detention Center that Keith Alan Raniere f/k/a Vanguard n/k/a Federal Prisoner 57005-177 is being bugged at MDC. Yep – and he’s not the only prisoner there who is dealing with this problem.

Turns out that MDC’s infamous mite problem has returned with a vengeance this year. Things have actually gotten so bad that, along with all the other prisoners in his unit, the former – and would-be – sex-slaver cult leader had to be moved to new quarters.

Now, he’s in the section that holds the gay sexual deviant prisoners – and those who are considered mentally ill. Clearly, not a place where anyone is likely to appreciate that one of their fellow inmates is the smartest man in the world.

Oh, the indignity of it all!

And if the mites aren’t enough of a problem, Raniere continues to struggle with high blood pressure problems. Fortunately, the crack health services team at MDC is continuing to monitor the problem – and changing his meds regularly. Apparently, they haven’t figured out yet that he’s just really pissed off at everything that’s happened to him over the course of the past few months.

Seriously… One day, you’re laying about in a $10,000/week villa in Mexico with half a dozen female slaves taking care of your every need and whim – and far away from your latest baby mama and crying baby – and the next thing you know, you’re sharing a jail cell with some smelly guy who’s totally unimpressed with all of your amazing accomplishments in life.

Who wouldn’t be pissed off at that little change of circumstances?

Meanwhile, Raniere has begun to hold himself out as having extensive legal knowledge – which is something that is usually highly valued in prison. The problem, of course, is that Raniere’s “legal expertise” is limited to directing lawyers to do really outrageous (and sometimes illegal) things to his enemies – and to telling Clare to pay the resulting legal fees.

So, the potential problem he’s setting up for himself is that he’s either going to refuse to help someone draft legal papers – which will be taken as a serious slight and may have serious consequences. Or he’s going to help out and end up doing more harm than good – which will definitely have serious consequences.

In any event – this all ‘mite’ be funny if the bug problem was not so serious.  As one prison guard allegedly said to Vanguard when he complained about the bug – “don’t let the mites bite you in the ass on your way into the cell.”

 

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Mite #1: Hey aren’t we supposed to be doing a Vanguard Week cartoon? Mite #2: What’s a Vanguard?

Mite be funny joke courtesy of Jim Flanigan @ www.jimflanigan.com

 

 

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Image result for mites in prison
Mites are terribly small and bite people.

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Each group of mites has a leader – which if I err is not called a Vanguard.


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